I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
