update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
