i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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