i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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