I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
