gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
