Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
