i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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