What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
