We're facebook friends in real life
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
