so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
