i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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