I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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