Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
