Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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