i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
