so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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