you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
