end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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