That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
