I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
