I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
