That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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