I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
