i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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