gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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