she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
