I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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