This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
