I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
