Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
