is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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