so explain again why im purple
no
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Less talking, more tequila
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
