I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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