why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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