the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my poor anus
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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