Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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