Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
