so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
