I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
