I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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