The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
