saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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