Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
