I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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