I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
