It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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