when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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