Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
