Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
