i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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