When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
