It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize