i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
