I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
