i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
