omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if only i could text you this smell
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
