This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
