Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize