i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize