it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
