So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
