i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
