Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
