New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
