In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
