you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your penis caused this!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
