so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
